The other type of day-to-day stress response is chronic anger. Are you constantly holding in anger? Are there people in your day-to-day life who repeatedly make you angry? Do you spend a lot of your time angrily thinking about what certain people said or did to you? Do you feel you are a victim of injustice? For example, does each interaction with a supervisor get you angrier and angrier?

 

Perhaps you are so angry that you are no longer holding it in. Do you find that interactions with important people in your life are becoming increasingly tense, hostile or explosive? 

 

Researchers believe that this type of angry, prolonged stress is the most physically unhealthy, particularly for the cardiovascular system. If you suffer from this type of anger-related stress, you should be making some immediate changes in your life.

 

Take a step back: 

Step back and try to interpret what people say in a less hostile manner. Are you taking what people say too personally? Are you taking people's comments out of context so that the comments become more insulting or threatening than they were intended to be? Sometimes it is helpful to talk with others. This will allow you to express some of the feelings that you have been suppressing while receiving some valuable feedback.

 

Express your feelings and needs: 

You can frequently resolve misunderstandings by assertively (not angrily) expressing your feelings and preferences. Since anger often results from a failure to be assertive, you should experience a reduction in your stress level. Here are some simple steps to take:

 

Try to listen to the other person's point of view even if you do not agree with it.

 

Try to express your concerns by using words, or communicate your own concerns and issues, rather than focusing your thoughts on what you think are the other person's intentions. If you are angry with someone, you cannot assume that you know why they are behaving in a way you dislike. Expressing your true feeling before you become angry and upset is the best way to avoid misunderstandings. Seek compromise, so both parties can get some of their needs met.

 

Expect reality: 

If your boss is totally impossible and causes you to be anxious and angry, it may be advisable to consider a job change. Certainly in any conflict it is important to understand how our own attitudes, expectations and behaviors contribute. Almost all anger results from expecting and demanding one thing and getting something else. Rather than saying to yourself, I hope that John cleaned his room like I asked him to, or Mary better not be late again, expect reality. I am expecting that John may not have cleaned his room because he often fails to do what I ask him to.

 

By: David Stang, PsyD

V.A. Hudson Valley Health Care System